Can't believe my birthday is tomorrow.

Sure doesn't feel like it at all.

I probably won't even remember it's my birthday when I wake up tomorrow morning.

My mood has taken a turn this whole week. How unfortunate, seeing as how the weather has been great recently.

Maybe the housewarming tomorrow will lift my spirits.

| Homesickness never hit me so hard;

Just ended a 30 minutes skype call with my mum.

I've only had two such skype calls with her (and little Sasha!) but it's like everytime I end the call I feel a little more homesick than usual.

Words can't describe how much I miss my mum.. maybe the amount of tears I've shed, could.

❤

| The grass will always be greener on the other side;

Just replied to a comment that got me thinking..

What you have will never be enough - you will always want more.

I guess that's where greed comes in.

But this is a different kind of greed, not the money kind of greed, but the I-want-what-the-other-person-has kind of greed.

I always want what someone else have and someone else will always want what I have.

Why is it always this way? No freaking clue *shrugs*

Then I sit back and think, I'm glad with what I have.

I'm glad that...

Although broken, I still have a family,

I have the resources to be able to cook some instant noodles right now,

I have the chance to study overseas,

I have access to technology (though I waste so much time on them),

I am alive and kicking even though I was born at 26 or 28 weeks or something...

And the list is never ending!

I'm glad for every thing I have right now - and that's all that matters.

And I wish I had enough to give to those who don't have what I have.

| And then came chaos;

I'm so glad I've left so I don't have to deal with any more of this... nonsense.

When I first started out, I couldn't even imagine what I had signed up for.

I had to say/do so many things that clashed with my ethics.

Then when I do something that was logical/common sensical, it's totally wrong and I'm really dumbfounded by how everything works.

Maybe the real world doesn't operate in a logical way.

It's so sad to see how people are so easily over taken by greed.

I feel sad for every one else who is/will be going there - the now commercialized, money-making place of nothingness.

We're all wishing for a change, but nothing will ever change cause I swear nothing ever does.

This is just a another phase.

You know what they say about girls having mood swings?

I'm sure that's true..

Feeling better just thinking about how in 5 hours I will be done with work!

Can't wait to go home and sleeeeep

Rude, honest, or just plain heartless?

I know my face is horribly ugly, with it being overtaken by the worst case of acne and all.

I know I'm fat and I need to lose weight.

There's no instant make over.

It took me 6 months for my face to break out like this.

I couldn't help it, I wasn't having my stupid women-thing for 10 months.

That caused the break out and now it's getting better albeit slowly.

Fat? I'm trying my best okay?

I know my flaws well.

But once every few days, someone has to mention something about it.

And it hurts every time.

Today I woke up with a little bit more self esteem than yesterday.

Next thing I know, I'm down to 0 all over again.

It's so hard to survive in this era of society while looking anything but the 'ideal type'.

Sometimes it's better to just lock yourself away from every one.

I should also think about developing an eating disorder or something.

Maybe that would shut people up.

And today, I just can't believe in karma.

Every time I do something nice, I get something bad in return.

It doesn't pay to be nice.

Most people try to make carbon copies of themselves.

Some people have kids so that their kids can be exactly like themselves, or something they could never be in their lifetime.

I admit I've always wanted to be a dancer/gymnast/awesome musician/football player/competitive motorcyclist etc and when I have kids I want them to be dancers, gymnasts, musicians, athletes... all those dreams that I can never achieve. I want to have beautiful, happy, intelligent kids. Who wouldn't?

I definitely do not one a kid like myself.

Short, overweight, unhealthy, terrible complexion, ugly teeth, untalented... The only thing I am not is stupid. Other than that, I'm nobody's dream kid.

I am definitely not like my mum. I doubt I am her dream child either. She doesn't say much but I know she wants to bring up my half sister to be the kid I never could be - healthy, tall, sporty, beautiful. She is going to be a dancer and most probably a hockey player too. She's probably gonna even start yoga from age 5. She will grow up healthy and beautiful. Slim. Sometimes I feel my mum secretly hates me. I hope not.

I doubt I am my dad's dream child either. I hardly ever talk to him anymore. But I can tell my half sister from his side will most probably grow up in a nice happy family.

Maybe things would have been different if I was the perfect kid.

x

Can you tell by Ra Ra Riot

Oh, have I been too discrete?

How long am I suppose to wait?

I think about you nightly.

Oh, can you tell I'm losing sleep?

Oh, what am I suppose to do?

It's hard to stay cool.

Oh, when you smile at me.

And I get nervous every time you speak.

My bed's too big for just me.

When you turn your eyes,

I promise I won't care.

Oh, standing by your sister fair.

Oh baby, baby, baby, please.

My heart sinks to my feet.

Oh, what am I suppose to do?

I think about you nightly.

My bed's too big for just me.

When you turn your eyes,

I promise I won't care.

Oh, standing by your sister fair.

Oh, standing by your sister fair.

Oh, standing by your sister fair.

When I look into your eyes,

I tend to lose my thoughts.

Don't forget your stare,

Oh, what was that you said?

Would you let me know?

Cause I can't read your mind.

Oh, can you tell?

I can't even explain.

Oh, baby I can't even explain.

Oh, what am I suppose to do?

It's hard to stay cool.

Oh, when you smile at me.

And I get nervous every time you speak.

Oh, standing by your sister fair.

Oh, standing by your sister fair.

Oh, standing by your sister fair.

A lecturer was telling us how females choose males that smell the most attractive to them. Well apparently scent is genetic so what we are "smelling" are actually genes. And interestingly, we are most attracted to scents whose genes are very different from our own - thus improving the immune system of our offspring. Can you imagine if you are attracted to a scent similar to your own? That'll be like, inbreeding or something. Hah.

And the whole time, I was sitting next to someone I like. And I was very very VERY aware of his scent. I couldn't stop sniffing hahahah.

He smells heavenly xx

Friday night was...a little fuzzy but pretty good I guess. Not the part where I decided to attack the floor though. That was embarrassing.

Well, at least I didn't drink enough to puke. That would have sucked.

Been having a bit of a sore throat the past few days meh. And I've got to go to work in....an hour.

Hope you had a great weekend xx

A sense of accomplishment;

My work shirt is puffy at the shoulders. It makes you look like a T.

**

I think I just made a new song! Part of a song.

Actually it's only two lines hah.

It sounds fine to me, but who knows, it might be really horrible hahaha.

I think I'm gonna title the song "Fate".

I need some lyrics

x

Actually awake at 8:30am on a Saturday! This is quite a feat. I don't usually wake up til after noon, hence the nickname "princess" given to me by my mummy hahahah.

Took a nap at 10.30pm but I slept all the way til this morning so my lights were all switched on, contact lenses were drying my eye balls out and I still had make up on my face hahahah so I woke up feeling pretty horrible. Maybe that's why I woke up early.

Gonna watch Harry Potter today, finally!

Have an awesome day! The morning looks pretty good already =)

x